“Don’t worry about the mule, just load the wagon!”

“Don’t throw him anything straight.  And don’t throw him anything crooked.”

“How do you throw a ball that moves so slow and still moves forward?”

“What should I do next time, Jimmy, roll it to him?”
(Jim asking a coach how to pitch to a guy who had just blasted two consecutive homers off of him)

“Waaaaaaaaaaaallllltteeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr!”

“Rat-a-TAT, TAT!”

“…Queens rook to Kings bishop four… Just like we practiced.”

“Walter, son, you’ve GOT to get your body behind that ball. The pain you might feel for a minute if the ball hits you is NOTHING compared to the lifetime of humiliation you’ll feel if you miss it.”

“SOMEBODY’s got to turn them LIGHTS on before SOMEBODY gets HURT!”

“Norwegian goggles”

“Ya can’t fight a war if you’re playing in a baseball game.”

“I throw just as hard as a major league baseball player, it just takes my ball a little longer to get there.”

“Think of a cow… a big ol’ Guernsey cow!”

“Let’s do like we talked about in Cleveland.”

“I KNOW you can do it, I’ve SEEN you do it.”

“I hear those ducks a-quacking!”

“You know, baseball players are smarter than football players.  When was the last time a baseball team was penalized for having too many players on the field?”

“…it doesn’t matter what sign you give me, they’ll all come in the same……” (Jim talking about how he throws 9 different pitches but they all look the same)

“As Ol’ Diz used to say, ‘He took a ripple'” (after a batter took a big swing)

“Ultimate power resides in the hands of those who know how to use it.”

“A luxury once enjoyed becomes a necessity.”

On hitting a slow pitch: “Count One-Mississippi, Two-Mississippi and hit it on the third ‘i’.”

“Hit it yon way.”

“A pitch has to go at least 37 mph to make it to the plate.”